I was Just Curious, Secrets to Great Leadership

Maybe you heard the joke about meetings, it is where common sense takes a vacation. But what if you came into your meetings with curiosity instead of resignation? Or maybe you heard the one about the CEO’s definition of teamwork: “Do what I say.”  What if you came to your meetings with questions as a leader instead of answers? What if the most important trait of a leader is curiosity?

We all would agree that questions can be powerful tools in our lives. Einstein said, “It’s really about always asking questions.”  Peter Drucker the famous management consultant said, “The most serious mistakes are not being made as a result of the wrong answers. The true dangerous thing is asking the wrong questions.”

The story is told that Drucker, as a management consultant, was known as the king of questions. In fact, he was often called the insultant, not the consultant, because of his tendency to question people to a point of frustration, because he was seeking to find things out in a more profound way.

Voltaire had an interesting quote, and I love this. Voltaire said, “Judge a man by his questions, not by his answers.” So, Voltaire said that the best questioners are the people you want to have on your team.

Judge a man by his questions, not by his answers.

Voltaire

Most of us have become so focused on having the answers that we have forgotten how to ask questions. Curious people find a way to shift urgency to exploration. By stepping back, we can unlock potential that is hiding in plain sight. That is the transformative power of curiosity. It is not just about solving problems—it is about empowering those around you.

We are all born curious but along the way our curiosity fades. I use a viral video in my trainings of a little girl who her mother videotapes throughout a day and over and over and over again the little girl just asks, “Why?”  This mother tries to answer her child’s questions but one question simply leads to another. I remember my own frustration with my children after the eighth or ninth “why” simply saying, “because…now go play.”  Unintentionally I was making my children incurious.

Perhaps you were raised as I was with parents who would tell me, the adage, “children are to be seen and not heard.” We get into the workplace and work demands, pressure, and rigid roles and expectations pour cold water on exploration. I remember going to a boss once and suggesting an alternative way of doing things and they said, “put it in the suggestion box.”

“Oh, I naively replied, “Where is that?”

“We don’t have one,” he curtly replied.

The Great Resignation of 2022–2023, coupled with the “quiet quitting” movement (where employees do the bare minimum), highlighted that many, especially those under forty, refuse to commit to workplaces where curiosity is stifled. They seek environments that encourage their creative input and exploration, signaling that the future of work will favor organizations that make room for curiosity, engagement, and active participation. For those of us in volunteer organizations creating a culture that people feel valued and appreciated for their input is even more critical.

Leadership has evolved beyond simply making decisions and issuing directives; it now demands fostering a culture where questioning, innovation, and collaboration are not just encouraged but embedded into the fabric of the organization.

I am collaborating with a team of people now who have spent years in a top-down organization. When I ask, “what do you think?” It often is followed by a long silence. The road to a more participatory and innovative culture is a way down the road but it starts with curiosity that gives rise to questions and helps volunteers and staff to fearlessly ask their questions.

So where does a culture of curiosity and participatory decision-making start?

It starts with you as the leader of a team or your organization asking those around you five simple questions that lead to more questions as you dig deeper into their answers.

Question #1

The first question is the key to a successful conversation: how are you doing? The purpose behind this question is to see how the staff or team member is really doing personally. As you ask this question, tone and body language are important. It might take a while for someone to really be honest, but if you ask the question regularly and sincerely when you meet, and you show that you care about the answer, it’s amazing how grateful people will be and how much it will help them just to articulate the issues.

Do not be frightened if someone breaks down or “dumps” on you. Often people never talk about this kind of thing. Isolation and loneliness are epidemics in our culture, and people have few to no outlets to talk about what is really going on. When they know you care about them, they will care more about you and the mission.

If you are like me, you have an agenda going into any conversation of this kind but the reality is that until you recognize their needs they are not going to be completely engaged in the conversation. Their thoughts and heart are someplace else. You always start with how are you doing and then wait.

Question #2

The second question will let the staff or team member know if you care about them or just what they can do for you. The second question you ask is: Is there anything I can do to help?

Surprisingly, 99% of the time, your team member will answer with a simple “no.”  They know you are not their therapist, your role is to listen, empathize, show you care, and let them know you are in their corner. The most common response I get is, “Just letting me talk about this has really helped.” Other times you can make an enormous difference for them by giving them a day off or taking away a responsibility they are really struggling with at that time.

Caring about the person really matters, and often your interest in them can be the impetus for them to take the action they need to sort out their issue. And the organization benefits from that because people bring who they are into what they do. Ultimately, their personal wellbeing impacts their performance at work.

Question #3

Third: What are you working on right now? Maybe you’re thinking you should know exactly what your folks are working on but I would push back that if that is true, you are probably too controlling. But more importantly when they tell you what they are working on they are giving you an insight into what they think is important. You might discover that their priorities are not the same as yours and that can become an awesome conversation.  This is the what is your current situation question and it leads to clarifying questions and to key question number four.

Question #4

What obstacles are you facing? The phrasing here is key. It separates the person from the problem and gives your team member a chance to succeed. Obstacles are normal, they are not a reflection on the team member or their skill level. Sometimes the answer to this question will be none but other times it can lead to significant conversations around problem solving. You can follow-up with probing questions to get more information or test their assumptions as you explore their viewpoint and perspective. Often the solution to the obstacle is to see it from a different perspective and you as the leader can help them do that.

Question #5

The fifth question to ask is this: Is there anything I can do to help you accomplish the goals we set? This is a great way to end a conversation because it lets the team member know you want them to succeed and you will get them the tools and resources to make it happen. Finally, it puts them in alignment with the goals of the team in general and helps them stay future focused.

Curiosity and the Cat

You have heard the old saying, “curiosity killed the cat.” I heard it growing up when I was “putting my nose where it didn’t belong” moments of my life. But, CURIOSITY DIDN’T KILL THE CAT—IT SAVED IT. The full saying is actually “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back,” attributed to William Shakespeare, 1598. This addition changes everything. Instead of a tale about the perils of curiosity, it becomes a story of resilience, redemption, and reward. It tells us that, while curiosity may lead us into uncertain or even risky territory, the satisfaction of exploring, learning, and discovering is what revitalizes us. Additionally, it makes people, teams, and organizations a lot better place to be.